Bikini Envy

Well, I haven’t lost any of the weight yet. But, the good news is that I’m in a lot less pain than I was two months ago – so, I should be able to start moving more again – YAY! And, once that happens, I imagine that the weight will start to come off. It’s difficult for me because I know how much of a difference exercise makes for me and I get frustrated when I can’t do it. But, I’m not going to give up! I mean, I’ve gotten through a lot harder things than this. I can’t image why I would ever think I couldn’t get through this too!

So, I went to see the sports medicine specialist…what a waste of time! I don’t know why my doctor sent me to him. I mean, I was really hoping that he would be able to give me a good diagnosis, but he pretty much told me what I already knew.

He examined me pretty thoroughly. “Does this hurt?” he asked. “How about now?” He pressed on all the muscles in my upper back and the muscles in my neck. Then he pressed on the back of my head, at the point where the scull ends and the spine starts. A sharp pain shot through me and my skin began tingling. I started to panic, but put myself in check.

There was no need to panic, right? Except that I had to be on a plane the next day to manage a show in Florida – and now I wasn’t even sure I would make it through the work day!

“This is beyond my knowledge of the nerves,” he said. “I’m surprised no one has sent you back to the neurologist!”

What a surprise… I should have just made the appointment myself! So, here I am, scheduling an appointment with the neurologist – terrified that this is something more than a case of whiplash.

I keep telling myself.. just breathe. Everything is going to be ok.

How many weight loss diets have you tried? How many times have you lost the weight – and how many times have you gained it back again?

I tell ya what…with the number of times I’ve tried to lose weight, I should have given up a long time ago! I mean, I did lose it – ONCE. But, I gained it all back again. And, this morning when I got on the scale, I couldn’t believe my eyes…156.7lbs!

I wanted to scream..”it isn’t fair!”…”how come this always happens to me!”…”haven’t I been through enough already!”…”when are things going to go my way, for once!” But, I didn’t! Instead, I looked in the mirror and reminded myself that I’ve been here before and that I will get through this! If you’ve been following my story, you know that this isn’t the first injury I’ve sustained.

Yes, this injury has slowed me down, probably more than any other injury (as surprising as that may sound), but I’m not gonna let this one bring me down! I’ve just got to keep reminding myself…”Stay positive. Never Give Up! Tomorrow is a brand new day.”

It’s been 5 weeks since I started my new job. The first week was pretty challenging because I was having terrible headaches (it’s been quite a while since I had to be upright typing for full workdays). So, I was taking Advil twice a day every day and rushing home to lay down. But, over the weeks, things seemed to be getting better. I hadn’t had to take any pain medication this entire last week, until Friday…

By 3pm my neck and throat muscles felt stiff, the left side of my tongue had gone numb and I was having pain at the base of my scull. I did get scared of what was happening to me, which probably exacerbated my symptoms, but these symptoms are clearly symptoms that anyone would get scared by, right? So, by 4:30 I was leaving work to get evaluated by ER. I was feeling like I couldn’t swallow correctly, breathing through my nose felt more difficult, I felt pressure in my throat (as if my spine was pushing into it), I had pains shooting down my left arm into my forefinger and thumb (which had already been feeling stiff and achy for several weeks) and my vision was a little fuzzy. I became more and more afraid as the symptoms persisted.

Surprisingly, the ER doctor didn’t perform any tests. She said that someone with my history of injuries should expect to have flare ups like this from time to time. She offered me muscle relaxers, which I refused (I can’t afford to have weak muscles – they’re the only thing holding my neck together) and told me to take 3 Advil, 3 times a day, for 3 days.

I went home that evening and went to sleep, hoping that the following morning I would wake up feeling better – no such luck! Instead, burning and tingling behind my left shoulder blade and an ache in my upper left triceps muscle had been added to my symptoms.

Afraid of going back to work on Monday feeling this way, I had to do something to calm my nerves. I scheduled a therapeutic massage for Sunday afternoon and went about my day, finding things to distract me from the discomfort. I can only remain positive and believe that things will get better eventually.

When I was 14 years old, I had emergency brain surgery. I was in Kansas at my family reunion and my cousin and I had decided to take a walk. I don’t remember anything about the accident, but from what I understand, the car hit me from behind and I flew over the car, breaking the windshield with my head. It took an ant hill that broke my fall, a neuro surgeon that happened to be in the right place at the right time, and a helicopter transport system that was only a few weeks from being shut down, to save my life.

My family says the doctors expected me to be in recovery for two years. After all, I could barely walk, I was having major migraines, and I’m not sure I even knew my own name. But, lucky for me, my mother had always worked in the medical field and knew what the problem was. She demanded that they take me off all the pain meds! They put me on 1000 milligrams of Tylenol twice a day and everything changed. The projectile vomiting stopped, the rashes went away, and I knew who I was. Amazing!

After only 6 days, the doctors released me from the hospital. My hair had been shaved off and I had 33 staples in the shape of a horseshoe on the right side of my head (how fitting for Kansas). I was missing three teeth and I was still having terrible migraine headaches, but I was alive and on the mend! That was in August of 1989.

To think that it all could have ended for me that day. What a blessing it is to have had the opportunities I’ve had since then!

Well, I did it! I found a new project – something to stress me out like the doctor suggested.

I can’t say that it’s been easy. I haven’t been in a position where I had to be at a computer for over 8 hours a day in a very long time, but I do like the job! It’s just going to take my body a little while to become accustomed to the change.

The first day I was in the new job, I took the stairs instead of the elevator to get to the mail room. I couldn’t believe how hard it was for me! In fact, even the little things were difficult. I think I got up from my chair only a handful of times on Monday and yet, on Tuesday my thighs were aching! Wow, how sad it is that I could be this out of shape! I obviously need to be increasing my exercise. It was only a few years ago that I was in the best shape of my life. What has happened to me?

At 2:06am today, my oldest son turned 18 years old. If I didn’t feel old last month on my 35th birthday, I sure feel old today!

I remember when I found out I was pregnant. I was 16 years old, it was the first week of my senior year of high school, and I had skipped the entire day to go with a girl friend to Planned Parenthood. The home pregnancy tests back then (especially the cheap ones) were harder to read than they are today – there were like five steps to them before you put on  the 10 minute timer and waited for a little faint ring to appear. Obviously I couldn’t count on the results, so I needed a doctor to confirm them for me.

I think it was the first time I’d ever had a physical. I laid nervously on the table as the lady checked to see if she could feel an increase in the size of my uterus. “Yep, you’re about 7-8 weeks” she said as she reached over to grab the pee test results. “Go ahead and get dressed and we’ll go over your options.” Options? What was she talking about? I had options? As you can tell, I was not prepared to be having a baby – and I knew it!

I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want to tell my parents, but I wasn’t going to be able to hide the pregnancy for long. So, against the advise of Planned Parenthood, I chose to tell my parents that evening.

Almost immediately I had decided to give my son up for adoption. I didn’t yet believe that I could take care of him on my own. It wasn’t until five months later, when I realized that I had fallen in love with the baby that was growing inside me, that I decided I would do anything to keep him.

I grew up real quick that year! I don’t think I really believed that my baby would ever be an adult, but he sure has grown up to be a handsome young man. Having a child as a teenager was definitely not easy, but I will never regret my decision to keep him. What an amazing experience, being a mom!

So, do you find this as funny as I do? I was a little shocked when I went to the doctor the other day and he actually suggested that I don’t have enough stress in my life. Aren’t doctors normally advocating for less stress?

Ok, in all fairness, it wasn’t really stress he was promoting, but activity. I used to be a very busy person. I remember one Summer when I was going to school full time, working full time and recruiting and managing a crew of 200 volunteers for our local Summer festival. That on top of taking care of my husband and kids.

Yes, that was a little too much to have going on at one time, but the point is that I’m used to having a lot going on. So, maybe I am just bored right now. Wow, that’s a concept that I’d never have thought was causing some of these symptoms. Well, time to look for a new project to keep me busy…

Wish me luck!